OK. So I am just getting out of a yr long relationship with someone I thought I was going to be with forever, and I am seriously nothing but a horrible mess. For about a month I cried, lost my appetite and lost interest in everything and anyone who dared breathed hello. I felt as though my world caved in on me and I was suffocating. He was my first boyfriend and I love(d) him. I still cant believe its really over, because I did not see this coming. After our breakup, I found myself attending church, and to be honest it was my safe haven. It was the only place where I could be around people, listen to music, and above all, praise the only one who is really and truly the love of my life-God! The only place I feel at peace is when I am at church, and no- I am not a very spiritual person ( or at least I wasn't). Before my breakup I was fully living my life without Christ. Sure, I knew God and I loved him, but I didn't walk with him. I only prayed when I needed something, or prayed for good fortune, but I didn't pray for mercy or grace over my soul. I did a lot of things that I regret, but now I know that I have been forgiven. I am still trying to let go of him( I hate the term 'ex'), and move on but it is so hard for me to do. I dream about him, I see him when I look at other people, and I am constantly tempted to pick up the phone and curse him out, but I have too much pride for that. We attempted to continue to talk and be friends, but that only drove me crazy. Yesterday I was told he was communicating with someone (via Facebook) and I got so upset that I removed him from my friends list on Facebook and deleted all our pictures. While I am sitting here praying for us to get back together, he's off having fun and moving on. I feel so empty inside. I am so upset, and I cant stop crying.